Josh Tighe

Josh Tighe

Wednesday 5 October 2011

It's probably best that you book a day off work before reading this

This time last week around 7pm my journey to Slovenia had begun. I travelled from Manchester to Stansted, I wasn't travelling till 1.30pm the next day and hadn't booked a hotel so decided to sleep in the airport. The only reason I decided to do this is because it would save me over £100 by not paying for a hotel and travelling down on the day was expensive.
So I arrived at about 11pm in the hope of finding some seats to sleep on, but to my luck they where all taken by professional airport sleepers. After doing a full lap of the airport I decided to go into Spar and buy some cider and monster munch, after purchasing these essential items I sat down on the floor next to the seats just waiting for someone to move. As I sat down drinking my cider and eating my monster munch I thought back to last year when I was doing this race for England and how I hadn't drunk in nearly 2 months in preparation for this race, here I am 1 year on a bloody lad!
So after a uncomfortable 14 hours in the airport I board the plane and make my way to Slovenia, 3 hours on and I arrive at my hotel which has kindly been paid for by the race organisers including free pick up and all you can eat food!!
Soon as I arrived I went out for a 40 minute run where I waved and said HIYA to the locals and avoided tripping over cabbages.
Soon as I arrived at the hotel, Emma clayton Accompanied by her Dad Phil and her boyfriend Ste + Adam Osborne and Nat White. After they had unpacked and done their runs we sat down for dinner and us lot being proper lads we had a beer.

The next day was pretty good as we decided to head into Ljublijana to conquer some castles and taste some Slovenian COCK, after about 2 hours of walking round the city in the hot Slovenian sun I decided it would be best to hydrate myself so I ended up having some COCK drink which did the trick and put a smile upon my face.
After hours of fun in the city we got a taxi back to the hotel, me Adam and Nat went for a 20 minute easy run followed by some strides and I decided to do some dance drills. Soon as I finished my run to good timing the England team had arrived at the hotel consisting of the boss man Greg Hull also known as great egg, Tom and Mark Addison who are like my brothers from another mothers, Joe Morwood Freddie Slemeck and Dionne Allen + Ali lavender. The team was also accompanied by Sharron Woods and Emma Bayliss from Wales + not to forget Lauren the big cat Jeska who is just a salting brilliant person.
After I had greeted the England team we headed up to another hotel where the opening ceremony thing was taking place. Pretty much all of the team turned to me on the way to the hotel and said " Josh I'm really glad your doing this race as your a really nice person and it would be rubbish without you" I could only agree with them.
Because we arrived quite early to the ceremony we had to wait outside, as we stood outside this gave us plenty of time to talk, most of us stood up in a circle and chatted to Lauren the big cat Jeska listening to how the other night she had a 15 incher. To mine and the rest of the group stood around we where all shocked because she doesn't seem the type of person who would have a 15 incher, like maybe a 9 incher but definitely not a 15 incher. I explained to her how it's weird that having a 9 incher in each hand is obviously more than a 15 incher but seems more manageable.(pizza)
So the opening ceremony started with a meal that consisted of pasta salad pasta and more pasta followed by cake. Soon as the cake was being served me and Dionne raced up like as fast as Eugene Bulk and Asolph Trowell, it seemed at this point that this trip would be competitive between the both of us but as you will find out in like 12 hours after reading the rest of this we sort of became a team like Laurel and Hardy. After Dionne had sampled each cake and put them back on the table as if they haven't been slightly eaten she decided that the cakes didn't match her high standards.
When the eating had been finished the race organiser Tomo Sarf went through the race and handed out the numbers to the other competitors which included some Swiss Italian Austrian Turkish wardrobes and the Hungary people who where in fact very Hungary all weekend as they spent most of the time around the food table ( Dionne can back this one up )

Race day
I woke up around 6 am to do my stretches for my hip which has pretty much been a problem since Kenya which has had a big affect on my year and made me run like a little girl, to add to this after months of physio on the hip and in the last few weeks getting in some decentish races I went out after the Northern road relays for the big dance and injured my back throwing shapes on the dance floor. As of last Monday I wasn't going to come to Slovenia as I couldn't barely walk without being in agony, but lucky for me I have a good physio ( Duncan Mason ) he's pretty well good and you should see him if you have any problems.
After the stretching I head down for breakfast to join Phil Adam Ali Greg and Dionne for the free food. I sat across from Ali and Dionne and they both couldn't believe how big my banana was.
I arrived to the race with Emmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaa Ste Phil, Adam and Nat. Soon as I arrive the Slovenian music is pumping out beside the track, I sit down for around 20 minutes and start to think about the big dance and what moves I'm going to pull off.
20 mins later and team England arrive with the boss man Greg, I went for a warm up with the Addisons, as we warmed up I through in a bit of dancing as we passed the opposition trying to physce them out ( pretty much well did )
So 10 minutes till it all kicks off, I remove my pants and top so I'm just down to my shorts and my brilliant purple Northumberland fell runners vest, then the final piece of my dance outfit my orange Salomon speedcross 2 which are an essential piece of kit if you want to dance with the big boys. I suggest to anyone who hasn't got these that they should go out and buy some because they're pretty well good, I went from being last picked in the team to the captain, thanks Salomon for making my life better.
        Me and Tom wearing the speedcross 2 and pretty much winning in life

So I'm stood on the start line in the middle of the pack not wanting to get caught in a fast start, I'm stood next to Ali who's looking pretty cool in her England kit and of course some Salomon speed cross 2. As I stand there waiting for the gun to go off I notice what I can only describe as a man wearing speedos, not wanting to keep this to myself I point it out to Ali. She looked as shocked as I did!
The gun goes off and I'm pretty chilled out like somebody sunbathing, after about 70 seconds I pass Lauren the big cat Jeska and because I wanted her to do well I slapped myself in the head and screamed go on LOZZA. About 20 minutes into the race in order Adam Tom Joe Mark some italian and me are closely bunched together. As we went up the first main climb I shouted up to them " come on England work together this is beautiful" when we get to the top and descend this is when they opened a bigger gap on me as my lower back started to hurt and slowed me down. On the second descent where Nat White was watching I got to the bottom and nearly flew off the edge but luckily a bounded off the tree like a super action movie hero. Back to the climbing and I was closing down the gap on the lads who where closely bunnched together.
I finished strongly on the last hill to take 14th with Mark just behind me then Adam and Joe 1 place infront and Tom a further 2 places infront then the smoothest guy I know Orlando Edwards finished 9th, Freddie finished in 21st which is a solid debut to say he's new to mountain running! I was pleased with my race as it was a better time than last year and I feel like I can improve lots next season if I stay injury free and hopefully top 5 and get closer to the wardrobe.
                                                        Doing the race
Emmmmmmmmaaaa Clayton finished 7th which meant she finished 3rd in the overall series which is pretty well good( I'm proud of you ) Dionne finished 9th after falling but luckily this didn't affect her good dancing on the night out, in 10th place was Ali who had a good run despite being stuck behind a man in speedos at the start of the race.
Keeping to my tradition of the race I drank 3 beers pretty much straight afterwards and watched the ceremony where Orlando Tom and Joe collected some prize money and not to forget Emmmmmmmmaaaaaa Clayton.
                                          2 nice guys collecting moneys

I made my way back the mountain hand in hand with Tom who I felt really safe with, when we got to the bottom we waited for the hotel to pick us up. To make the time pass I played some basketball with Ste Tom and Ali.
I was getting loads of basketball goal shots just like the legendary basketballer Michael Jackson. The basketball prematurely ended for me as my back was killing so I went and sat down with the others.
                                         After the race at the start

Presentation time= free wine
All of us went to the hotel looking really fashionable and ready to drink free wine and beer, when we arrived we pretty much did that. As usual the Hungary team was hanging around the food table living up to there name ( Dionne will agree with me )
After hours of drinking eating rose petals and watching Emmaaaaaa receiving her medal we headed into town
                                     Everyone really enjoying the free drinks

I handed my phone to Tom and said ring the hotel and ask them to take us into town. As I'm walking down with Ste Emmmaaaa Mark Nat and Dionne I heard Tom saying " Hiya it's Tom Addison I've just done a mountain race, I was wondering if you can take is into town? " I'm not sure what hotel where staying at but your going to take us" I was in stitches and literally doing one of them ROFLS, I did tell him that it was our hotel his ringing.
To all of our shock the hotel Taxi picks us up out of nowhere and takes us into town and the night out begins.
The first bar we went in Seemed to be full of Slovenian gangsters and working girls, not to be bothered about this we sat down and fueled up for the big dance. Dionne downed her drink closely followed by me then trailing slowly behind was Tom. Mark and Emmmmmaaaa decided to play a drinking game which consisted of flipping a coin a drinking your alcoholical drink if you picked the wrong side, I decided to play my own game of 1 2 3 get f****d in which you repeatedly down your drink after 3 at any time of saying it.
Bar number two was a little, quiet pub and after ordering our drinks we began dancing after back to back good songs came on like The fine young cannibals and Survivor to name a few, looking around the bar I noticed that we where the only ones dancing and having a good time. I think that all of our good moves intimidated the locals who just store on in amazement.
                                          The dance had started

So it was job done in this bar and it was onto the Elevator club to show off our good moves to a larger crowd, wasting no time me and Dionne fueled ourselves at the bar and began to pull out some pretty amazing moves. In all my years as a good dancer when I'm out not many people I know can match my moves but me and Dionne gelled just like Andy Cole and Dwight Yorke did, people looked on in amazement as we finished off on our signature the teacup which for legal reasons I cannot tell you how to do the move because it takes 2 good dancers and if you try it you WILL get hurt. Job done in this place.
                            Two really good people doing some really good moves

We headed back to the second pub for more dancing but after we left the place the locals had heard all about us and had packed the place out. We took our dancing to the street as each and everyone of us needed space to create our dance shapes. 30 Minutes on and we decided that we wanted to head back home as racing and dancing made us very tired eggs.

Sunday/Funday
I managed to survive all of the dancing without any major injuries and had a brilliant night out which I'm sure everyone else will agree on. Boss man Greg had planned a trip to Lake Bohinj with the English team and the welsh ladies which I went along to because it probably wouldn't be the same without me. Emmmmmmaaaa Ste Phil Nat and Adam + Lauren the big cat Jeska went to Lake bled because they where flying home later that day, we dropped them off on the way to Lake Bohinj because it was on the way so we said our goodbyes and did a bit of waving and I threw a few thumbs up and that.
This was a brilliant day, when we arrived I felt really tired and hungover and wanting to throw a boat at my head. I decided not to throw a boat at my head because I ended up going on a run with Tom Mark Joe Freddie and Dionne with Greg Sharon Ali and Emma setting off in front.
As I ran down the road for the 1st 15 minutes waving to people driving by I thought to myself this run is pretty boring I wish I was eating olive oil with salt, but then as we merged off into a trail we where surrounded by some pretty awesome mountains and lakes that where so clear that if you threw a pebble in you would almost certainly see it.
                                  Where we all ran and enjoyed ourselves

It was probably one of the best runs I have ever done in terms of scenery and running with some good people. When we completed the running we headed to a restaraunt for some pizza, I think the waiter that was serving us had just been told that he was to work 2 years for free or that his racing pigeons had all died.
I was just shocked out how you can come up to a bunch of nice people like us and not be happy. Dick.
My pizza was actually nice but sadly it was overshadowed by a dick, after this we headed into the freezing cold lake for a swim which was pretty cool. I'm more of a dancer than a swimmer but as I got my swim on and looked around at the mountains I thought I'm pretty much winning in life.
After our swim the girls sunbathed along with Greg and his nice umbrella, us lads had a left hand skimming contest on the lake which was pretty good. As we all threw our pebbles with our left hand we all looked really really special! this was followed by a game of not clay but big rock not pigeon shooting of a rock, this also added to the graph of fun.
We finished our day off at Lake Bohinj with some ice creams and headed back to the hotel where we would have another drink and listen to Tom do a scouse accent and tell us about how half a bird hit his mate which had me laughing out loud. Just before we all went to bed  me and Dionne took a statue of Laurel and Hardy up the stairs and placed it outside Sharron and Emma's room in which a note was placed on top that said " Hey babes I used to be all laurel but now I'm hardy, Greg xxxxx"
                               Greg placed his love note upon these guys heads

Monday was the last day for everyone apart from me so after our morning run me Tom Mark Sharron Ali Emma and Dionne headed into Ljuilbana before the flew out in the evening.
After a few hours of wandering around I decided to get a 6 scoop ice cream which was pretty big, in England you would need planning permission but in Slovenia you make your own rules. After eating the 6 scoop I really felt like I could go onto achieve great things in life like eat a 7 scoop or even handle 15 inches of ice cream. We only had about 1 hour left in town so we made the most of it by looking in a sports shop and waiting for the idiot taxi driver to turn up. As we waited Dionne told me how she wanted a ice cream and after a little wander around and not finding any ice cream stalls I went on a little mission to get her an ice cream.

I think I ran like a 3.17 minute mile to get to a ice cream shop to get a strawberry cornetto for her, I then ran back at a steadier pace in 3.18 minute mile hoping that she would be dead happy that I got her ice cream but then she told me that she only liked vanilla. I then stood at the side of the road disappointed with myself eating my seventh scoop of ice cream. I am pretty sure though that I'm still her hero so it wasn't such a bad thing.
We arrived back at the hotel 30 minutes before the taxi was going to take everyone away from me, I could see that everyone looked emotional at the thought of leaving me behind. Dionne wasted no time In getting the last bit of sun and topping her tan up by sitting on a chair in the middle of the road as cars swerved past her like a action movie film, I must also mention how fashionable she has been this trip and wore a smart outfit for every occasion.
Time was up and everyone got into the minibus and waved goodbye to me, I could see and smell the tears in the air as they said goodbye to a really nice person ME! I did the usual thing when you say goodbye like rub your hand on the window to Tom and Dionne and I also chased down the minibus waving shouting noooooo!
I then walked back to the hotel where I sat down with a beer and reminisced about the good times.
About 2 hours later I had tea and comfort eated over the loss of all them good eggs, I did pretty well because I had about 3 plates full followed by lying on my bed feeling really ill watching Eraser starring Arnold Schwarzenegger

The last day
So it was down to me to finish this mission off, I felt like Jack Bourne or Geoff Bond a lone action hero. I started the day off with some breakfast as per usual, after 2 hours I did a session on the road which consisted of 12x 1 minute off a minute.
The session was complete and I had my final Slovenian shower before checkout time, now it was time to fill up 5 hours before I fly, I decided to walk into the next town for a supermarket which took about 70 minutes.
I arrived at the supermarket and bought some jagermeister cola and some fish chips for my dinner.
                                                              Dinner

After having all of these I headed to another supermarket 30 minutes further away and spent my last euro's on some beer. I walked back to the hotel drinking beer and listening to WHAM looking pretty fashionable and thinking I'm pretty much winning in life. I arrived back to the hotel in time and got took to the airport to end a pretty well good trip in Slovenia.
This trip wouldn't of been as good if all of the people mentioned didn't come, so thanks for turning up.
I've learnt a lot of stuff and feel like I have got clevererar
JT

Thursday 17 March 2011

I didn't take EPO but came very close to scissor kicking a kid in the face

Well I'm back in England now after spending 9 weeks in Kenya, the 9 weeks have definitely paid of because just as me and Nick was leaving the plane the air stewardess complimented us on our proper well good tans. The last week in Kenya was pretty good but not so much running wise for me. Last Thursday Alyson Dixon came back out to Kericho so that she could prepare for her upcoming marathon after having a successful spell out here in our in the 1st 3 weeks in which she went home and won all of her races in Pb's and tops the rankings in both the 10k and half marathon, unfortunately for her though she won't be coming back as tanned as me and Nick because just as we where leaving the rain season had just started in Kericho, unlucky Alyson! so when Aly arrived we wasted no time in showing her our usual day since she left, we went for a 40min run in the morning and then went for a curry at a restaurant followed by our last trip to the tea hotel so we could watch Under Siege for the 5th time, by the 5th viewing we both knew pretty much all the words to the film so said them out loud before Steven Seagal did. Friday was the day that I managed to pick up a groin injury by doing some lunges for a minute, I feel ashamed to say that after doubling my mileage up for the last 8 weeks or so and not having problems with that, that I would pick a injury up by doing faggy lunges. This injury is nearly as bad as when Darius Vassell injured himself when he popped a blood blister with a cordless drill. Just before dinner me and Nick decided to go for a walk because we couldn't be bothered to wait around in camp, so we walked alongside the road and bumped into Stan, Stan then took us to the pub for a barbecue. After we ate the food we both agreed that it was the best beef we had ate in along time, only to discover a hour later that it was actually goat. After the food Stan decided that he wanted to buy me and Nick 3 bottles of wine and before we knew it we was sat with some random Kenyan guys in the garden listening to the vengaboys having the times of our lives. One of the Kenyan guys who was sat with us was telling us about how proud he was about he's daughter and that she is going to grow up to be the prime minister, after he had told us this he put down he's bottle of vodka ( now empty ) and told us that he is going to pick her up from school and bring her to the pub, true to he's word he actually did and he even bought me and Nick some samosas, what a really nice guy he was. Sunday was meant to be my last session in Kenya but because of my groin I could only manage fag pace so decided not to do the session, so me and Aly just watched Nick put himself in pain on he's own. This was the Nick 1st proper running session after weeks and weeks of sessions that involved biscuit eating, you could sort of tell because when he was running you could see trails of digestive crumbs and o.n the last rep he actually looked like a massive custard cream. On Monday we left Kericho and made our way down to lake Naivasha so it was goodbye to lots of painful runs and thankfully goodbye to Stano who manged to cry for the whole 9 weeks and pretty much never let us get to sleep, Stano is pretty lucky not to have received a kick in the face because Matt Nick and myself came pretty close to doing so, if any of you are reading this and thinking that this is tight you shouldn't because more than likely he will grow up to become a really bad person. When we arrived in Naivasha by coach we got dropped off under a motorway bridge with loads of Kenyan hells angels there, soon as we got dropped off they came running over offering to take us to a hotel, our first thoughts was that it wasn't going to happen because there was no way they could give us a lift with our massive backpacks. Before we could even make a decision they had grabbed our bags of us loaded them on to the front of their bikes and told us to jump on, the guy on my bike had my backpack between he's legs and he was also on the phone. It was pretty mental to say the least as we where overtaking big lorries and weaving in and out of cars, it sort of felt like yet again I was in a action film like I was in Bad boys 3 chasing after bad guys, After all of the action packed driving we pulled up at our hotel and it is here when we realised that we wasn't in a action film and that we was living a life of 2 simple guys trying to make their way in life whilst looking pretty tanned. After we had unpacked our bags at the hotel we went for a walk around a country hotel and saw lots of animals like Giraffes, Zebras, Impalas, Buffaloes and even a Ziraffe which is a cross bread between a Zebra and Giraffe, It was pretty good because we got within touching distance and we felt like we where two proper well tanned people filming a documentary on the geographical channel. The hotel was for posh and rich people only so me and Nick being poor and tanned couldn't afford to stay there but that didn't stop us ordering brews and booking it to room number 5. Our last day in Kenya was pretty eventful, at about 3 in the morning me and Nick was chasing a Mosquito around the room trying to kill it, I headbutted it about 3 time Nick uppercutted it twice but the bastard wouldn't die so we spent most of the night trying to kill it, as you may or may not know Mosquito causes the more deaths than snakes, spiders, tigers, lions and sharks combined so in theory we would of been safer sleeping in a room with a lion. At about 10am we made our way to Mt Longonot on motorbikes and yet again it felt like we where Will Smith and Martin Lawrence. As we pulled up to the mountain at the main gates where your meant to pay we decided that we didn't want to pay so we walked out of site from the main gate and made our way through the long grass and up to the mountain, as we walked through the grass I could of swore that I could hear snakes but Nick just laughed when I mentioned it to him. Just before we got to the climb a few Impala's ran past us making us jump, we then made our way onto the tourist path out of site of the main gate and after about a hour we finally got to the top of the mountain which is actually a extinct volcano, we then made our way around the crater rim which is about 10km and it took us about 2hours. After we made our way around the crater rim we headed back down the mountain and the plan was to walk as much as we could on the tourist path and avoid the main entrance but just as we was about to head into the long grass we saw a security guard coming towards us so we pretty much knew what was happening. When he got over to us he told us that he could arrest us for not paying so he took me and Nick into a room and started questioning us asking why we walked around the main gate, so we told him that we wanted to get close to the animals and that we where going to pay after coming down, at this point I was thinking that he was going to lock us in the room and call the police and if this would of happened we would of missed our flights. We both kept saying how we liked Giraffe's and this is when he realised that we where just to good eggs and he just decided to let us off with paying, after we had payed we asked what other animals was up and around the mountain and he told us that there where lots of snakes in the grass, so when I said to Nick before about the snakes I was pretty much correct. After we climbed the mountain we headed back to the hotel to pack our bags shower and make our way to Nairobi airport, we travelled by minibus and yet again I had to sit next to a fat women whose elbows and big fat legs kept touching me now and again, about 1 hour into the journey Nick turned around and showed me what it said about the place where the minibus was dropping us off, It said that this street was a popular place for muggings of tourist with big bags so the next hour sat in the minibus had me thinking what I would do if somebody tried to mug me, the best thing I could think was to repeatedly punch myself in the face whilst laughing because I'm pretty sure if I would of done this then the mugger would of ran off and targeted a normal person. Luckily we didn't get mugged or bummed and made it safely to the airport, when we arrived in England we got told that our bags was still in Switzerland so we had to make our way from London with only our hand luggage so in a way it was pretty good because I didn't have to trail around my bag and it arrived this morning. As we sat on the tube me and Nick was talking about how ignorant and miserable English people are compared to Kenyan's so as we where saying this some oldish women sat up and offered her seat to a pregnant women, we both felt like 2 horrible well tanned people and both said how we feel bad. The next 40 minutes spent on the tube we where hoping for a old women to come on or even another pregnant women so that we could offer our seats, this didn't happen so we arrived at Kings cross station still feeling bad. We both made our separate ways home and as I was saying goodbye to Nick I could see the emotion in he's eyes but he managed to fight back the tears and got onto he's train to Newcastle loaded with a KFC wicked zinger meal and probably a pack of custard creams.I'm not sure if Nick managed to do a good deed on he's train but I did by letting a old women read my newspaper, I know it's not the same as offering your seat to a pregnant women but it's better than stuffing your face with biscuits and not doing a thing.So it's back to reality for the both of us after an amazing 9 weeks in Kenya which was made possible due to Ian Ladbrooke's generosity so it's a big thanks to him and we would also like to thank Matt Pierson who kept us entertained for the first 3 weeks with he's views on life and people which we reminisced about over our last few weeks. I'm sort of liking being back with having home comforts like warm showers a tv a big comfy bed and the thought of always having toilet roll and not having to substitute it for bread, the only rubbish thing is going to be going back to work but as soon as I go back I'm going to start saving up for another trip out to Kenya later this year so that I can be a action movie star like Will smith. Thanks for reading my blogs, your all a bunch of bloody good eggs!
JT

Wednesday 9 March 2011

We care more about our tan than our running

This time next week me and Nick will have just arrived in England hopefully better tanned people and maybe a little better at running. So since the last blog I have done 4 tough sessions and done some running training, the session on Tuesday didn't go as planned by me leading the whole way and doing lots of windmilling. It still went pretty well but at the end of the session as usual me and Nick looked close to dying and the Kenyans looked fine. After the session we went for dinner at the pub just down the road from our village, as we waited for dinner me and Nick played pool, after me and Nick played I asked Ben if he fancied a game. Ben told me that he had never played before and what an absolute liar he was, he was playing loads of trick shots and moonwalking round the table and stuff. He beat me at the 1st game but when I played him the 2nd time it was him who was made to look like a little girl. Wednesday yet again saw me and Nick go to the tea hotel and to our delight Under Siege was showing, as I posted in the last blog the big fat American women spoilt the film by getting it turned over to BBC world news. This time there was no stupid fat horrible American women in sight so we could both enjoy all off the killings and the 10 seconds of boobage. Thursday was another hill session with Simon Ben and Geoffrey, the session went pretty good because I managed to win like 2 reps, Nick was doing a session of he's own which was something like 6x custard creams off jaffa cake recovery and then 20x bourbon biscuit with digestive recovery. Whilst out here Nick found that Mcvities are wanting to sponsor him and without no hesitation he took the offer straight away and celebrated with a pack of custard cream. Well done Nick. Saturday was session number 3 on the track which was 20x300m off 1min recovery, after the 14th rep I started to get lactic in my tongue. Nick has mentioned this to me before how it sometimes happens to him, I always thought he was being strange but maybe it's meant to happen to special people like us. On Saturday night something life changing happened to me I fed a hungry possibly dying homeless Kenyan child a jam sandwich, as I was walking around camp I bumped into the dying hungry homeless child and it came clear to me that if I didn't run into my room and make him a jam sandwich that he would probably die of hunger. This sort of reminded me of that biblical story when Jeremy fed like 1000 people with chicken and eggs, I kind of see myself now as the modern day Jeremy and I feel that this is just the beginning to solving world hunger. So after my heroics of Saturday night I had a day off running after training everyday for the last 7weeks and went to watch the football at the tea hotel to watch united play like girls and get destroyed off Dirk Kuyt, after the game it started to rain and hailstone. I have never panicked so much in my life all's I could think was if this carries on for the rest of the week I could go home not that tanned but luckily it only lasted for 2 days and since then me and Nick have managed two good sunbathing sessions. On Tuesday me Nick and a few other Kenyans did 5x1000m and for once we wasn't at the back beating a few Kenyans on all of the reps. I've realised since being out here that you don't need that much in life to survive, obviously you need to drink Super Skol and eat chicken to live but you don't need much else. All's you need is a bed with 2 blankets ( just in case it gets cold) toilet roll or bread and some porn ( if your reading this mum this is from Nicks point of view as i find it very degrading towards women). I think I have two more sessions left and then on monday where going on a safari and running up a volcano before we fly home on tuesday night, the plan for tuesday is get drunk before the flight arrive in heathrow get our bags and then head straight to kfc go to a Tesco buy some cider and then try live our lives as real athletes.
JT

Monday 28 February 2011

"Nothing Compares 2 U".

In just over two weeks me and Nick will be returning to our normal life's, me being a wood craftsmen and Nick will go back to doing nails in he's beauty salon. Since I last blogged I have done some good training and also so bad training, last Thursday I did 45min Kenyan hills with Geoffrey and a few other random Kenyans. The session went pretty well for me as I didn't come last and was pushing towards the front of the group, after the session it was rice pasta and potatoes for dinner as usual. After dinner me and Nick headed to the tea hotel so we could watch a film, under siege was on starring Steven Seagal. About one hour into the film a big fat American woman walks into the room and says " I'VE ASKED THEM TO PUT ON BBC WORLD NEWS" to our disgust one of the workers comes in and puts the news on for her. This deeply upset me and Nick because all of the fighting and shooting on under siege was keeping us happy until this stupid fat horrible American interupted our fun, Nick started telling her that all the trouble in Libya was caused because somebody had shot David Beckham, to my surprise she actually believed him " WHAT SOMEBODY SHOT DAVID BECKHAM OH MY GOD" after the news about Libya had finished a story about dogs in Asia came on, all of a sudden Nick started punching himself in the face and shouting " Pooches" buy this point I had to walk out of the room because I couldn't stop laughing. I decided to go into the toilet and do a urinate, as I was doing a urinate I started to think what If this big fat American women was actually Martin Lawrence and he was filming Big Mommas house Africa, when I had finished the urinate Nick walked in and told me that the big fat American had left the building so probably wasn't Martin Lawrence. Friday was another ordinary day running wise, me Nick and the Kenyans did 60mins easy. Also this day I went and had my hair shaved, unfortunately I couldn't get my hair braided as the few people who tried to do it said that my hair was to soft. I'm a Little disappointed that I couldn't get my hair braided as I feel that this could of been life changing for me, so I have had to settle for a shaved head which cost me 30p and left me looking like Sinead o Connor. The bad part of my training and Nicks happened last Tuesday on the track where we embarrassingly ran like little girls and the Kenyans where putting 120m into us on  some 800m reps, I think I would of benefited more on Tuesday if I would of stayed in my room punching myself in the face. We where both tired from our Sunday run in which Ben told us that he was doing 2 hours really easy, we ended up doing 2 hours 30 at a fast pace which made us both hurt. So since I did the Kenyan hill session my runs have been going pretty well and we both had a good session on Saturday. It's got to the part of the trip now where we both keep having the same conversations and Nick keeps asking me the same questions, I think this has something to do with he's biscuit eating habits maybe when he was asking me these questions a few weeks ago he was stuffing he's face with custard creams. We have both decided that two weeks today we will spend a few days at lake naivasha so we can go on a safari and run up a volcano. We both have a track session tomorrow morning so I'm hoping that we will not run like little girls but we will run like real working men, I think I'm going to take out the 1st rep and when I cross the line I might start windmilling in hope that this will scare the Kenyans and they will be afraid to overtake me. I will let you know next week I have finally beat the Kenyans.
JT

Wednesday 16 February 2011

The only reason I run is to write this blog

Well I'm over halfway through my trip now and I arrive back In England 4 weeks today, so far I've learnt that Kenyans are pretty good at running, Mike the headless chicken survived for 2 years, dolphins don't drink water, Mozart's middle name is Wolfgang and bread is not a good substitute for toilet roll. My training seems to be going better now and I'm getting closer to the Kenyans in sessions. I did two runs on Thursday and one on Friday, me and Nick went down for tea at John's house on Friday. Whilst we where there me and Chibet played Nick and Virginia at football ( John's kids) I beat Nick about 15-3, I think it was all the Madonna turns I was doing. Saturdays session was one of my best since I've been out here, I did 50min Kenyan hills with a random group of Kenyans for 15mins then the rest on my own. They happened to be doing the same session I was doing on one of the hills (out of two) I was training on, I'm pretty glad they where only doing 15mins because I kept up with them for all of the reps and luckily when they finished they went off for a cool down so they couldn't see me slowly dying!. After the session Me and Nick walked from camp to the tea hotel to watch the Manchester derby, on the way we bumped into the racist cop who told us as a Kenyan ran past that " us black people are better than you white people at running" I then said to him that I could do more press ups and sit ups to him. I think he felt pretty intimidated because he could probably tell that I do like 40 press ups and sit ups a day so he walked off and carried on with he's duties. Finally on Sunday biscuit eating Swinburn decided to put down he's custard creams and join me for a 2hour run which turned out to be fun. Me and Nick decided on Monday that I will get my hair braided this Sunday when Stan gets back from rak where he is pacing some Kenyan women who is attempting to break the world record for the half marathon, we decided this because Stan would make sure that we don't get ripped off, not that I'm bothered because part of the deal was that Nick would pay for it. I would sort of like to thank the people who voted for it to be braided on facebook, I think. Tuesday was another session day for me, I got up at 6am and did 30mins easy got back ate some bread drank some tea did a poo then headed down to the track at 10am. The session was 3x800m 3x600m and 3x400m all off 1min, Nick was doing a hill session or stuffing he was stuffing he's face with biscuits. The session went a a lot better than the previous track sessions and I pulled through strong at the end, after we had completed the session Ben pointed me out some Kenyan guy who is a world bronze medalist at 5000m, I felt pretty pleased because I beat him on the cool down. The most painful part of Tuesday was the taxi ride back from the track, I was about to sit in the back with three other people but the the fat guy who I was meant to sit next to got out and let me sit next to two fat women and got in after me. Because there isn't much room in the back I was pretty crushed so as my legs closed due to the three other peoples fatness both of my testicles collided with each other almost crushing them and leaving me in agony, rather than moan about it I had several minutes to think of the positives of this. I decided that if I could handle the pain of my testicles being crushed that when I'm racing or training and I'm in pain that the pain I am getting from running will be nowhere near as painful as having crushed balls therefore my pain threshold whilst running will increase and might make me run better. After thinking all of this the taxi pulled up at the camp and Mr fat Kenyan man let me out relieving me of my test pain, when I got back I headed into the shower to check if everything is ok and I'm pleased to say that all 3 testicles are OK.
JT

Wednesday 9 February 2011

I've come to kenya to run not walk

Since my morning run yesterday was quite fast and longer than I expected I decided that I would take Thursday easier and resist any temptation of going off hard with the Kenyans. Luckily both Geoffrey and Ben felt as tired as I did so we did 55min in the morning at a easy pace. The afternoon was normal, we all drank tea and headed into town for some water, as usual we travelled by taxi. I ended up having some fat women sat on my lap with her elbow in my face. In the evening me and Nick did 30mins easy followed by another cold shower. Friday was quite entertaining for me, In the morning I did 60mins on my own as my legs started to feel sore from Wednesday. About 10mins after I arrived back, Ben Geoffrey and Stan had got back from their run without Richard. About 40mins later Richard turned up at the camp and told us that he decided to walk the last 2 miles because he only planned to do 60 that day, me Matt and Nick looked at him in disgust! I think yet again Richards Gaymin had told him to stop, the amount of times he mentioned Matt's diet saying it will effect his running. I think Richard needs to get a grip eat some kfc drink some super skol and finish his runs. At around 11am Nick did a 45min Kenyan hill session on his own, so me and Matt decided to go and watch him because watching Nick in pain is very entertaining and he certainly didn't let us down. After dinner Matt had to head back to Nairobi so that he could catch his flight back to the UK, as he said goodbye to me and Nick you could see the emotion in his eyes, both me and Nick had to tell him that everything will be ok and that we will see each other again, bless him.On Saturday I did a 60min run with a 15min tempo included. I thought it went pretty well, the tempo finished off on a big hill sort of like the travelator on gladiators, the only downside to the session was John Fashanu wasn't there to congratulate me. In the afternoon me and Nick went to the tea hotel and watched Tigerland starring Colin Farrell, after watching it we both decided that next week we will both buy a machete each and go hunting in the woods for snakes and stuff. I did a 90 min run on Sunday morning on my own because the Kenyans where doing a 3 hour marathon type run and Nick was in bed stuffing his face with biscuits. On Monday me and Nick went down to John Mutai's house to watch some TV and drink some tea, It was pretty inspirational for me because John started telling me and Nick about when he won the great north run in 1999 and how he came 3rd in 97 and 2nd in 98, he said that when he decided to do it again in 99 he vowed to win it and said he took out the first mile in 4.20 and the second in 4.21. This is almost as inspirational as the story Pete Matthews told me about the time he won a medal at the AAA u17 1500m. Me Nick Ben and Simon did a track session Tuesday morning, 3x400m 3x300m 3x400m 3x300m, me and Nick both took out 6 reps each for the Kenyans and as usual we both felt like death at the end of the session. Over the past few weeks I have been having some weird dreams such as, David Bentley winning a midland xc league with Amir Khan coming 4th and Pete Matthews coming 7th, Geoffrey getting his arms chopped off with a machete by a rival running gang and having a argument with Dan Aykroyd because he wouldn't tell me if he was going to make a Ghostbusters 3. Another thing I will be finding out tonight is if I will be getting my hair shaved or braided, I had an agreement with Nick that if more people on facebook voted for me to get it braided then I will get it done next week. Whatever the outcome is I will post a Photo on here. Today's run was tough for me as my legs where dead from yesterday, after about 30mins I stopped to tie my lace and after that I couldn't get going for another 10mins. By then Nick Geoffrey and Ben had dropped me, I was disappointed because I wanted to run in a group so that we could battle with the other Kenyans.

JT

Wednesday 2 February 2011

I think that wearing tights for the morning run makes you soft

Its been 3 weeks today since i arrived in Kenya. so that's 1 warm shower about 32 cold showers 2 painful sessions and 18 days of listening to stupid Stan crying all day, since last Wednesday i have run everyday and managed to get over my illness, i think that throwing up after my run on Tuesday was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Wednesday was a turning point for me because i managed 2 runs and i got to watch stop or my mum will shoot starring sly Stallone at the tea hotel. Thursday and Friday where just normal days, i ran twice both days and sunbathed on the roof for 2hours listening to George Washington Jr and also will smith Miami (at least 5 times). Whilst I'm sunbathing it gives me a lot of time to think about good stuff like going on holiday in Miami whilst listening to Miami by will smith. Both of Saturdays runs where quite fast in the morning me and Matt ran a record time on our normal 5mile loop and the run in the evening with Ben and Matt was also fast, kind of like a contestant on supermarket sweep. Sunday was quite a good day, I did a 90min run in the morning nice and easy. After the run me Nick Matt Richard Aly and Ian headed to the tea hotel for dinner. We all watched the tennis final which was pretty poo and after that me Matt and Nick watched the Arsenal vs Huddersfield game along with about 15 Kenyan Arsenal fans, I'm not a big fan of Arsenal so I spent most of the game shouting blue army and commenting loudly how rubbish Arsenal where, I wasn't bothered if it kicked off because by then me and Nick had ate at least two plates of chips so we would be dead strong like a donkey carrying tea leaves. Monday was another average day I did 2 easy runs and 10 minutes of core work, I was thinking about foam rolling my face for about an hour but Geoffrey  brought the afternoon tea, so I ended up having 2 cups. Tuesday was my 2nd session out here it was 12x400m off 1min, It went ok for 6 reps then after that it became session of death, I think getting hit in the face with a foam roller would of hurt less. Today's run was pretty good I ended up running for 110mins. After about 20mins Nick had to stop for the toilet so we decided to leave him and carry on with our run, the pace started to pick up after 4miles so Richard decided to take it easy because he's gaymin watched told him it was too fast, I was happy with the pace and decided that today was the day to play with the Kenyans So I started pushing it and was averaging under 6minutes per mile, about 45mins in to the run Ben decided to wait for Richard and jog back to camp. Me and Geoffrey pushed on in pursuit of the criminals ( other runners) as we ran along it felt like we where Mel Gibson and Danny Glover in lethal weapon. After 60minutes we had found some bad guys so we sped up and overtook them up a big hill, this ended up breaking me and Geoffrey went off in the distance and I managed to go the wrong way, I slowly ran up another hill and in the distance I could see Nick. I decided to wait for him and jog back with him, Nick was running really slow like a fat old women so i decided to run back on my own because I was embarrassed to be seen with him. I'm pretty pleased that I have managed to get some good running in this last week and my stomach is no longer giving me problems, hopefully by next week me and Nick will drop the Kenyans on our runs and we will be really fast like supermarket sweep contestant.
JT

Wednesday 26 January 2011

Sessions races and throwing up

On the Thursday morning me Nick and Kenyan Ben walked from our village to the athletics stadium in Kericho, It was about 10am and 28degrees me and Nick both described the feeling as walking to our own funeral, It made it even more feel like that because some random guy started walking with us preaching about god and he kept mentioning the blood of Jesus, I personally was hoping for him to get run over (not killed though). The session was as tough as I expected it to be 4x800m off 2min 4x600m off 90sec 4x400m off 1 min, the session turned out as I expected me and Nick being in loads of pain and Ben looking like it was nothing, Ben wanted 1 of us to pace a lap for each rep and Nick loving pain was more than happy to do it, by the time we came to the 400's Nick was struggling so i decided to pace the 1st 400 for Ben, I ended up sprinting off like a dick and going through 100 at about 14 seconds and blew up at 150 and ended up running a 65, this pretty much ruined all of my other 300's and made them very slow. After the session we headed back to the village both me and Nick wasn't feeling to good and later on that evening Nick started to get a cold or possibly malaria.
Friday for me was a easy day because I was racing on the Saturday so I just did 40mins easy in the morning and headed to the tea hotel to watch a documentary on Michael caine, this was the only thing they was showing. The race started at around 11.30am at kericho college I think we arrived at about 9.30 so we could watch all of the other races, the course was 6x2km laps around some playing fields. Before the race had started my stomach was in pain and I was struggling to run properly but i was hoping that I would just run it off, me Matt Pierson Nick and Richard all towed the line waiting for the gun to go off, as soon as it went the Kenyans started sprinting and we all found ourselves in last place, unfortunately I pulled out of the race after 6minutes because my stomach was in agony and It felt like I was ready to poo myself, Matt had a good run coming 18th place Richard was 26th about 4mins behind Matt and Nick came last, watching Nick was quite painful it sort of looked like he was walking but at least he managed to finish the race even when Matt lapped him, the good thing with Nick is that the next race he will probably win! the race was won by a Kenyan steeplechase Olympic champion (not sure who). After the race my stomach was still giving me problems and even found walking very painful, Me and Nick both decided we needed a night out to take our minds of today bad performances so decided to take Kenneth and Simon  (both Kenyans) down to the pub for a wild night out, we only ended up having 4 pints but we all felt on top of the world like nothing could stop us, I felt like I could run a sub 4mile like Ronald baniston. When we got back to our village Nick and I lied on top of the roof to watch the stars just like Will Smith and Tommy lee Jones in Men in black. Sunday was rest day for both of us and still my stomach was pretty bad, me Nick and Matt headed to the tea hotel and ended up watching some wrestling, this pretty much sums the day up. I ended up having Monday off too because my stomach was still bad and I felt sick, Tuesday was not much better but I decided to go for a easy 30min run with Nick in the evening, as we ran past the 1st village all of the kids started running alongside us and kept up with us for pretty much all of the run. Lucky for them they stopped at 27minutes because as soon as I finished I started throwing up for about 5minutes, I felt pretty good after I had threw up it sort of felt like I had made it in the world and that I could become a runner again.
JT

Wednesday 19 January 2011

I would rather scissor kick a kid in the face than take EPO

On saturday me and Nick decided to go and watch some football at the tea hotel, we thought the Newcastle vs sunderland match was on but it turned out to be on the sunday, so instead we stopped there all afternoon and sunbathed in the tea garden. Because me and Nick are proper lads we decided to have 1 kenyan beer each, by the time we had finished our beers it had got dark so we decided to head back to the athletes village. When we got back to the village Kenyan Geoff told us that we should not walk back after dark because it was dangerous and bad people walk around with machete's looking to steal off people, that didn't really bother me and Nick because the 1 beer we had made us pretty tough. On sunday we both decided to have a rest because that's what the kenyan's in our village was doing, me and Nick decided to head into town to do our weekly shopping, we both bought a mountain dew each so that we could keep hydrated and we also bought a big knife for 30p. When we got back to the village we met up with Matt pierson who had just arrived back from mumbai and Richard who had arranged to come out here with Ian Ladbrooke. On monday it was our usual 6am start with the Kenyan guys telling me and Nick that they where going to do a 60min easy run, what a lie that was after about 28mins they had dropped me and I ended up taking a wrong turn down one of the tea fields and ended up running on my own, after about 50mins a became familiar with my surroundings and headed back towards the village up this big hill, when I reached the top of the big hill I bumped into the kenyan guys and in the distance I could see Nick, instead of running back with the kenyans I waited for Nick to catch me up, when Nick caught up with me he said "easy run my arse let's catch the fuckers" it sort of felt like we where in a film catching the bad guys, Nick was Will smith and I was Martin Lawrence in Bad boys. We didn't end up catching them but maybe we will this coming sunday in the Kericho xc champs (probably not). On tuesday we got up at 6am and did a 60min easy run, the kenyans did a fartlek session in the woods and we both decided that it was to early to do a session so took it easy. After our run we headed back to the village for our usual cold shower and some kenyan tea, after we drank the tea Nick wanted me to hit him in the face 3 times with the foam roller, after I had hit him in the face we went onto the roof to sunbathe and sleep before dinner. We had dinner around 12.30pm which consisted off ugali a bowl of rice, pasta and potatoes I can't believe how much food we get each day and how much the kenyans eat! Me and Nick both had a afternoon nap. We went for a 50min easy run at 4.30pm and for once was actually easy and didn't turn into a race, Nick struggled on this run and was running on he's own, as i felt sorry for him I kept running back to him to see whats up? He told me that because he had done nothing all afternoon he felt suicidal and couldn't be bothered. When we ran through one of the local villages where all the kids chase you, Nick cheered up and decided to start running stupid and making velociraptor noises rolf, they must of liked it because they ran with us for at least a mile. Im doing my first session tomorrow with the kenyans and also doing a xc race this sunday which is like our county champs so that should be tough! I will post another blog after I race
JT

Saturday 15 January 2011

Kenya blog stuff

I arrived in Nairobi by plane on Wednesday and travelled to a hotel in n'gong by car with nick Kenyan guy Joseph and Kenyan guy Stan and Matt Pierson, me and nick struggled to sleep at night because of the heat and the midges, I also struggled to sleep because of Nick talking about how much he would like to pour some concrete. We woke up at 6.00am the next morning for a 60min run with Matt nick and Joseph, we started off easy around 10min for the 1st mile and finishing it with a 5.30mile, me and nick found the hill quite tough because of the altitude but because where both proper tough we didn't complain, after the run we travelled up to kericho with Joseph. It took 4 hours to get there and along the way we stopped off and looked along the great rift valley which was proper viewalicious, we also seen quite a few zebras. We arrived in Kericho to our luxury hotel and met all of the Kenyan people in the camp and went for a run around 4.30pm with aly dixon and Mr Kenyan guy. After the run we went to john mutai's house ( winner of the great north run 1999) and ate some pasta ugali and drank some milk. On Friday we went for a run a 6.00am which is the normal time for running out here, I ended up doing the 5mile route with aly dixon as I want to ease into my training until I get used to the altitude but nick decided to go for a so called easy run with the kenyan's (80mins) and when he arrived back at our pad he looked a broken man, but Nick likes pain so he enjoyed it. This brings me to talk about bread, when Nick got back he needed the toilet but because we had no toilet roll I told Nick to use some bread, Nick thought it was a canny idea so he decided to do it, when I walked past the toilet Nick was laughing because the bread wouldn't flush so he told me that I should poo on top of it to flush it, me being stupid I decided to do it and i also used the bread, I had to flush the toilet 5 times to flush it and I must say bread is a good substitute for toilet roll. We then headed into kericho town in a taxi which is pretty mad because they cram as many people into the taxi as they can, we bought some water and some toilet roll and Head back to our hotel for a power nap. After our nap we went for a 5mile easy run on the same route and with it being 4.30pm all the kids had finished school, so as you can imagine a white person in a small town like kericho is very rare so when they see us they start running alongside us shouting mazungo which means white person, most of the must of been 5-8 years old but they kept up with us for quite a while. Im enjoying life out here so far and will keep you all posted on the well good stuff I do.
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